A quieted mind

Something is happening. Our world is rearranging itself aruond us and settling and there is a calm. For the first time I can remember I accept and welcome it. Usually I am too ready to jump forward toward the next crisis to really just enjoy the calm moments, the moments when things seem to be right for once.

I met today with Monster’s special ed team and we discussed alternate placement for him. Right now he is 40% in a regular classroom, 60% in special ed classes. The change would puthim 100% in special ed classes.The other school in our district has a program for children with aggression issues. Half are ASD like Monster, the other half have their own issues – neglect, abuse, etc. But each child individually is treated the way he needs to be treated to flourish. The kids who understand consequences get them. The others, like Monster, get the positive behavior reinforcement.

The team descirbed the classroom to me as one with lamps instead of humming fluorescent overhead lights, soothing music playing low in the background, and a sense of peace and quiet and of being sheltered. We are going to tour next Wednesday and if we like it Monster will start there the following Monday. The bussing will be taken care of by the school.
This is a program that attempts to integrate each child as they become ready. They may start with an hour a day in a regular classrom, and with an aide right by their side. They work their way up to as far as the child can go. Sometimes this means complete integration. Other times the child will always be in this classroom at least part of the time.

I actually feel hopeful about this. It sounds like exactly what Monster needs. His caseworker said, everything that Monster is having the big problems with in his current school would be removed simply by moving him to this classroom.I am not even going to let myself worry over whether or not this means I am admitting defeat. Because this isn’t about me. It’s about doing what is best for my son. Do I want him in a 100% disabled classroom, thus ensuring he is labelled forever as one of “those kids”? Oddly, I don’t care anymore. I want him to be someplace where he is happy. Where he is less stressed. Where he can learn in his own way and be his own person and hopefully make friends with other kids like him.

I am letting everything go for once. I need to sit this one out. It feels like this is a gift to my child, and I am not going to spend time worrying over it. I will tour on Wednesday and if I like the place, he is going. No second guessing. He is not in the right place now – this can only be a step in the right direction.