The kindergarten introductory letter

I saved this for posterity. I thought it gave everyone a good idea who they were working with and what they could do to help. Looking back, I see now that it really never affected the way people chose to see my son. He was labeled a troublemaker from the start. But I tried. I really, really tried to show them that this child had a very kind, very human side......

An Introduction to Our Son

Meet Monster. He is 5-1/2 years old and he is starting kindergarten soon. He is very excited to be going.
As you know from his IEP, my son has been diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome. This is a mild form of autism. The main problems children with Aperger’s have are with social skills, emotional control, sensory dysfunction, and difficulty in self-soothing.
Monster is an incredibly sweet boy with a great sense of humor and an outgoing personality. He will live up to the expectations of teachers and aides if they are willing to give him the chance to prove himself. The teachers who have seen that in spite of his occasional troubles Monster is a child who really wants to be good and wants to learn coping techniques were able to get him to work his hardest to be that child.

He has shown real progress and promise. His preschool teacher reported that he has a real love of learning. He has the potential to be a good student and a good friend, if he is given the opportunity to learn how to deal with emotions (which can overwhelm him, especially when he is tired) and to understand how to ask for help before losing control. My son looks normal and talks like an adult, but he does not understand social interaction. He wants very badly to be friends with his peers but lacks the skills to do so and ends up frustrated and hurt. This frustration can sometimes lead to aggression. He understands that this behavior is wrong and feels bad when he acts up, but it is usually out of his control. He is aware of his need to gain control over these outbursts and now occasionally makes attempts to stop himself. He is improving.
Monster has sensory issues, which means that he will become overwhelmed by being in a loud classroom for too long, or from being forced to sit too closely to another child, or just from the regular bustling and jostling that occurs in a school room. Loud noises terrify him. Bright lights irritate him. Being touched too much can make him very upset.When Monster feels overwhelmed by sensory issues, he will need a way to “escape” the chaos (in his mind, this is chaos) as quickly as possible. What he used to do to get out of the room was hit or otherwise hurt a child, which would lead to a time out and a break. He has been learning that he can warn his teachers when he is feeling overwhelmed, and that if they respond and help him, he will be fine. If he is allowed a time out when he asks for it he loses the urge to lash out at others. Some time outs that have worked for Monster in the past are; listening to stories on headsets, taking a quick walk with an aide, or finding a quiet corner to hide. It’s important that Monster doesn’t think of these time outs as punishment, but as breaks he can use to recharge himself. He still does occasionally lash out at other children, and when that happens other teachers have found that what works best is to put him in time out, and remind him that he can ask to come to time out; he doesn’t need to hurt another child to get one. He needs to be reminded of this as often as possible. We would like to be involved in Monster's education as much as possible and are always willing to assist with any issues that might arise. Please feel free to contact us whenever you have a concern or question. We understand that Monster presents certain challenges and would like to make ourselves as available to you as possible.
Monster knows what he needs to do, and has been practicing and working hard at it. The rules of behavior and emotional control come more easily to other children. He has to work much harder to behave as well as the other kids. But he can do it; we are sure of it. What Monster needs is for everyone else to be sure of it too.

Thank you,
Dad and Mom to Monster

Ps – just a couple of extra things – Monster wears orthotics and if for some reason they are taken off at school he will need help putting them back on. He knows how they need to go on but doesn’t have the hand strength to do it himself.
Also, Monster still has some bathroom difficulties – like “wiping” and will most likely need help with that. This is another skill we have been working on but he is not completely independent yet.