The bus stop

Every day my son can't wait to get down to the bus stop. He runs out ahead of me and charges down the street, eager to meet up with his friends and play until the bus comes. There are squabbles over places in line. You need to hold your place with your backpack or stand in line in person. Since Monster runs ahead and I carry his backpack (bad, spoiling Mommy!) he has no way to save a space in line. Luckily he has finally stopped caring about his place in line and just runs around chasing the other kids until we al hear the rumble of the bus around the corner. Then it's quick - get your backpack on and get into line! And suddenly line placement is important to him and if he stops to hug and kiss me he loses his place. The other day he climbed onto the bus and sat there looking out the window with tears streaming down his face. What happened?!!?! it turned out he had just realized he had not gotten a hug and kiss before climbing onto the bus. The bus drove off as I blew my son kisses, trying to cheer him up.

Now before Monster bolts out the front door I give him a hug and kiss there, so that he doesn't need to worry about it when the bus is rumbling down the street, kids are jockeying for line position, and he needs to get his backpack on. And it works so well. Today as the bus rumbled toward us Monster was waving wildly, excited about getting onto the bus with none of the usual anxieties about hugs and when he gets to climb on.

Times like this I let myself think Monster is happy. Aside from claiming every day that he is too tired to get up, by the time the bus comes around he is excited and happy. He tells me he has no friends at school but he doesn't seem miserable about it. I need to find out what the truth is about that from his case worker. He has a happy home life where there is peace and quiet and Mommy and Daddy who love him unconditionally, and he has toys galore.

I sometimes get too wrapped up in the negatives and don't realize that hubby and I are doing a pretty good job taking care of the Monster. Sometimes I can even tell myself that he is as lucky to have us as we are to have him.

Maye I need to give this school a chance. Maybe I need to stop pushing so hard for something when Monster might be fine where he is. I will go to the meeting but I am not going to insist on anything now. It will be interesting to hear the team's input on how they think Monster is doing on his new IEP.

I wish there was a handbook that told me, step-by-step, exactly what I needed to do to raise a happy, healthy, well-adjusted child. I wish I could sit there and say, "well, I've done everything I was supposed to do before Age 6. Now we just sit back and wait, and if Monster isn't happy, it's his problem." I wish.

Seeing him waving excitedly at the bus this morning warmed my heart. He's a sweet child. I want to keep him sweet. I want to do everything right.