We have a back-and-forth notebook going on between Monster's teacher and me.
Monster has had a rough week. Today she wrote in his notebook that he hit another child. Then she noted on the edge of the paper, "This is the THIRD incident he has had with a peer this week!"
Maybe it's becaue I am sick today and feeling rotten, but this is really bothering me.
Why emphasize to me how badly my child is behaving? Why tell me he has hit THREE kids this week? What am I supposed to do?
He's in that class because he has aggression issues. I am aware of these issues. I've been dealing with them since my son was less than two years old. He gets aggressive, yes. I am well aware.
She thinks something is going on at home. What she doesn't understand about me - because she hasn't known me very long - is that I will tell her everything I know about why Monster may act up that day. I have a couple of times written to his old case worker; "Hubby and I had an argument last night, and M was pretty upet about it." I'm not afraid to tell them if our home life is going badly. Only, the trouble is, it isn't.
Part of me feels annoyed about this. I want to write back, "So what? That's what he's there for, right?" I mean, what else can they do to him? If they kick him out of there then they can pay to put him in some private school that can deal with him better.
I just get really disgusted with this constant need teachers seem to have to remind how awful my son can be. Do they think I am blind to this?
I don't need people to remind that this is the THIRD TIME my son hurt someone. This teacher writes to me every day. I know he's hit kids three times. Why reemphasize it? What's her point?
And where is the autism specialist, who was going to be RIGHT THERE, completely involved with this teacher because this teacher's specialty is not ASD, it's EBD. I was assured that Monster would still do wonderfully, though, because the autism specialist assured me she would work so closely.
Okay, I'm just venting. I don't know why this irritated me so much.
I will write a note to her for Monday. I will write, "I know he's being difficult, and I know it's frustrating. Please remember that my son cannot always control himself. He doesn't want to be bad."
Or maybe I won't. I just wish she knew.
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About Me
- Pangaia
- I am a married mom to an only child, my son Monster who was diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 4-1/2. This blog is about him and my day-to-day fights and victories. And yes, I make typos and forget to spell check. I guess I'm lazy that way.
6 comments:
I have a 10 year old child with AS and I've been there. I haven't read everything you've written so forgive me if I'm asking you to repeat things but do you have a behavior INTERVENTION plan. If they react to the behavior as if he should know better, then they are doing this wrong and that is precisely why you feel the way you do. You know in your heart he simply can't help it. You need to get this info to those in charge and start changing mindsets. Monster's wheel chair are social skils. He simply cannot help it and should NOT be help accountable till everyone knows he can. Good luck and prayers your way!
Monster does have a behavior intervention plan. That's what frustrates and annoys me so much about this incident. My son is not a mystery to these people. He has had two FBAs, four IEPs, And the positive behavioral plan.
I wrote the teacher a long note in the notebook basically saying, what do you want me to do about this? I know how my son is - you know how he is. Please focus on his good points and remember he's a good kid who can't help himself when he does things like this.
She called me at work that morning after reading the notebook and all I could do was cry on the phone. She told me she DOES see M as a good child and this was just for my information, but I still don't see the need to write this little comment off to the side with a frowny face, reemphasizing that this is the THIRD TIME my son has been aggressive to children.
I also sent an email to the special ed director and HER boss telling them, you know, maybe this classroom is okay for my son but you people need to really consider setting up a classroom for high-functioning ASD children, because they need this service, and every other city surrounding us has one.
The teacher apologized on the phone and asked if I didn't want to be notified if Monster was aggressive toward another child. I tried explaining to her that that wasn't the point. I don't mind being informed. It was the attitude that just floored me. She either could not grasp this concept or was playing dumb. I never did get the point across to her that it really game the impression that my son was being judged.
Thank you for your input. It's always nice to hear from parents of older kids who have "been there" because nobody in the school bothers to tell me anything - I have to do my own research and figure things out on my own.
Thanks again!
Ok, I should read back some to see what's been going on. As a mom who's knows these feeling all too well I can honestly tell you that not all teachers are like this. And no, it's NOT you, not in your head and it's probably a bad week or day in part because of the stress this puts on you and your family.... BUT you have to show your strong and very stable all the time in front of them even when you feel like falling apart for help.
At one point we ended up at a pediatric psychologist because OUR SON was accused of starting the bullying towards him. Can you imagine that? How ridiculous now that I look back but at the time I really didn't know what to think. The ped psychologist was so livid she had an argument with the social worker at our school. One thing I'll never forget her asking is, "I bet they are asking you what's going on at home?" She then explained that if it's a home problem, it's not their problem. You should say, "he never hits at home, I just don't get this." Now of course only say that if that's true but you might want to mention he only hits rarely at home... Just make sure to point out that the stress at school from sensory overload or misjudgements might be doing this. THEY need to adjust their behavior so he can relax more. How old is he? Have you ever checked out O.A.S.I.S? There's a letter in there you must send to the new teachers next year and a story that will be helpful too about a little boy with autism in New York. It's probably not a true story but it asks, "where is the perfection because God is perfection." The father in the story gives a speech and it's so beautiful as he explains the perfection is in those around his boy, not in his boy being perfect. :) BIG HUGS TO YOU!!!
Yes, I've ben to OASIS before but it overwhelms me and I get lost and give up. I'll need to go back and try again.
I have told everyone at M's old school and new school that Monster does NOT hit at home - and he doesn't. They are well aware of this. They know it's related to his sensory issues and the noise/lights/crowds/transitions at his school.
I just get sick and tired of their trying to push blame back on us and Monster. We are decent parents. Monster has a good home life. We love him immensely and he gets more than his fair share of attention and love and snuggles. It doesn't hurt that he's an only child, so he gets if anything more than enough love and attention at home.
Now the school is wanting to send us to a school half-days that will help with Monster's behavioral issues. It's set up for EBD kids also, and the autism specialist from the school swears it would be a good thing for him, because he "gets" this type of discipline, unlike many other Asperger's children.
And yeah - I try to be tough but I was really crushed by this teacher's comment. We JUST moved him to this new classroom and this teacher is supposedly so good with dealing with kids with "issues" and then she makes a comment like this and it floored me. I don't know what to think of the whole situation anymore.
The first thing she did earlier in the week was report to us that Monster had "flicked" a child in the face, and in her words, "unfortunately, this was one of our special needs children". as if this makes my son EVEN WORSE, as if he sought out this special needs kid and set out to hurt him. That was the first blow, and then blow-by-blow descriptions of the kids he'd hurt all that week, and then the comment, "this is the THIRD TIME this week he has hurt a peer!" with a frownie face - I shit you not - and I was crushed. Because here I thought we had finally put him in a place where he would be seen as a good kid with Asperger's and not a bad kid with discipline issues. And of course the teacher was all apologies when she called, but the apologies were "I'm sorry it made you feel bad" and telling me how she had only meant to make me aware. As if I don't know my own kid. And as if I hadn't been reading all week long of the atrocities my son had been up to.
Anyhow, I'm rambling. I'm just frustrated and discouraged.
I will definitely head over to OASIS and see what I can find over there.
Thanks!!!
http://www.udel.edu/bkirby/asperger/teachers_guide.html
http://www.autism-blog.com/here-are-10-things-every-child-autism-wish-you-knew
http://users.resourceinternational.com/~bernard/BaseBallHeroes1.html
Thanks - I'll check those links out!
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