Not liking the boy much

Once, at a parents' support meeting, a woman was talking about her 8-year old son and how he talks back, doesn't listen, has become more aggressive and mean, etc. And I naively said, well, at least you still have your sweet boy sometimes, right? And she looked at me, and she wasn't even sad, really, just resigned. She said, "We see less and less of the sweetness, it seems."

And I felt so bad for her, and thought, well, at least Monster will stay sweet.

Ha - joke's on me, I guess. This kid rapidly becomes less and less sweet as time goes on. And now his cuddles are more like body slams and he won't just rub my hair - he pulls on it!

I called the school psychologist who told me Monster is just stressed with learning so much, but he's a wonderful, amazing, sweet, super-smart kid and I should be so proud of him - as if I called to complain about him! I called because I'm worried about him. He is changing so rapidly and he is losing hs sweetness and becoming someone who seems mean and sarcastic (who says Asperger kids don't get sarcasm? They don't know mine, obviously!) and just outright ugly a lot of the time. I want to know why. I AM proud of him.

Friday was another rough day for M at school and he had a one-hour "issue" where he could not pull himself together. I get these "CPI log sheets" that give me all of the sordid details of what he did, why he was held, how he was held, how long he was held, but on this one they added on to the back things he had said, from "You're going to jail!" to "Let us out (in, it is noted, a different voice, which when they asked 'who?', Monster answered, "Nate", to "I have a phone in my pocket and I'm calling the police - who's laughing now?" and I think, what am I supposed to think of this?

My first thought is, holy crap, my kid is cracking up and developing other personalities. My second thought was, he NEVER talks like that at home, no matter how awful he's being, and the third thought is, the "who's laughing now?" comment cracks me up. I feel like it shouldn't, but it does.

I spent two days worrying over that stupid sheet. But then it dawned on me, this is only their reality of the situation. Maybe Monster was yanking their chain. Why not? He does it to us all of the time. And why do they report this anyhow? Am I supposed to be concerned? Am I supposed to be upset that my child does these things? My child has done these things since he started talking, and he's been aggressive ever since he began walking upright, thus freeing two limbs to use as weapons.

I don't want to lose my sweet boy. But I know he's growing up. He is also going through some tough stuff right now - the new classroom is still just that - NEW. It's been, what, two months?

I try not to see everyone this way but in my opinion many of these special ed teachers paint very bleak pictures of my kid, even when they are praising his intelligence. they go around pretending they don't have negative attitudes by reporting that M spent an hour in the time out room but after he came out, he got back into his day and did great! And sometimes these reports feel to me like a detective reporting of a burglar, "he took all of the cash, but he mopped the floors and cleaned the windows!" and we're all supposed to notice how the detective pointed out a good thing for each bad one. As if he's finding the good in all the badness.

So anyhow, I've stopped worrying over this incident. I just want to see the good in my son. Not that I wear these rose-colored glasses, but if everyone else wants to look for the bad, well, then, I am allowed to see all of the good and point it out to the teachers if necessary.