Is something going on at home?

I wish someone had given me a hundred dollar bill every time a teacher or daycare worker has asked me this question. The implication is explicit - what are you doing to this kid to make him behave this way?

It feels like blame to me. Maybe because I've been asked it so often, and before Monster's diagnosis I took it to heart. What WERE we doing wrong at home to cause Monster to go berserk when he was in daycare/school?

And to be asked this now, by the teacher of the EBD class (Emotional/Behaviorally Disturbed, I think?) they stuck him in, well, GEEZ!! Even YOU think I'm screwing up my kid somehow?

Oh, it's also my fault that my son is an only child because apparently THIS explains some of his bad behaviors. Which makes no sense to me because I know lots of moms to onlies with wonderful, well-behaved children.

So. What is going on at home?
Weekends, Hubby or I take Monster someplace fun, or he plays outside with his friends down the street, or we invite his Aspie friend over to play Lego with him. We putz around the house. Monster plays on the computer and watches TV (A-HA!!!). His bedtime is 8:30 on Friday and Saturday nights. Monday through Thursday it's 8. One night every weekend Monster gets to fall asleep in bed with me.
Hubby and I rarely fight. We don't spank Monster. We barely even have to punish him, because at home, with our little family, he's usually fine. He gets worked up when hubby and I have the rare argument. Then when we're done arguing we both talk to M to tell him, even when we fight we love each other and we NEVER stop loving you.

We don't drink, or smoke. We actually live very boring lives. I pop pills to help me sleep, but Monster is asleep when I am Under the Influence. And I take antidepressants to keep myself from jumping off something high.

So yes, dear teacher, there IS stuff "going on" at home. It's us living our lives. Are we screwing up our kid by simply existing? Maybe. Maybe Cartoon Network for an hour every night is not good for him. Maybe letting him explode Lego bodies on Star Wars Lego II on his Nintendo makes him evil. Maybe it's the chocolate treats he gets every night during his TV wind-down time.

Okay. So I yell at Monster. More than I care to admit. But he frustrates the SHIT out of me (excuse my French). So if anything is screwing up my son it's that sometimes he pushes me to my limit and I yell. I dare anyone to live with this kid for a month nonstop and NOT yell at him. And I feel horribly guilty about it. Because I love this kid to pieces and I yell at him and hurt his feelings.

So maybe I'll tell his teacher, yeah, I yell at him. Mia culpa. It's always the parents' fault, and more often than not the mother is more to blame than the father.

Just stop asking me if anything is going on at home. My guess is that my mother-in-law's death in February is just now getting through to him, because suddenly he is obsessing over death and wondering when we will die and where we go. And he asks why his grandma died. So maybe it took him over two months for this to sink in, since he barely knew his grandma (she lives 2,000 miles away and I think we visited with Monster three times). Or maybe he just has his good days and his bad days like we all do. He's a kid. He's allowed to be crabby. Quit asking me what I am doing to cause it.