Birthday parties

Maybe it's better if Monster is not invited to parties, because mean children show up at those parties, and tease my son, and "get him going".
The birthday boy this time is a boy one year older than Monster, whose parents I met at our support group. BB(Birthday Boy) is a year older than Monster, and the two play well together and seem to "get" each other.
but of course BB had other children at his party, two of which were cruel and evil toward Monster. First, the only girl at the party handed out plates and as she hande M his she said, "You get the THREE THOUSANDTH PLATE" and set it in front of him with a flourish. M beamed. The kid across from him grabbed his plate and M freaked. Of course the boy innocently said, It's just a plate, so what? The BB mom told him to trade plates back. But then the two little shits start in about this weird kid who gets all worked up over a PLATE, a piece of paper. This of course made M frantic and he shouted shut up and blew raspberries at the kids. I finally forced him to change seats to get him away from them, but M burst into tears and one of them called him a crybaby. Monster started screaming, "I am NOT a crybaby!" and a sweet boy across the table said, No, I told them you weren't, that that wasn't a nice thing to say.

He calmed down. The cake was eaten. The presents were opened. I knew exactly what to get BB since he had coveted Monster's last time he was here, so the present was a hit. but the two boys would NOT leave Monster alone, finding ways to bump him, push him, and once try to trip him, where I angrily yelled, "DO NOT trip him!" and held back from adding 'You little ShiT!"

It was time to go but before I managed to get M out the door he had kicked, punched, pushed, and smacked not only the two evil children but one who seems to have gotten in the way. I dragged him out, kicking and screaming and thought to myself, yet another gracious exit from an event. Shit.

I cried in the car. And I told Monster yes, those children were rotten to you - REALLY rotten. And, you know what? I understand why you did what you did, but you will be dealing with crappy people like those your whole life and you have to figure out a way to do it without hitting. He asked, but what? Well, you ignore them. Don't give them the satisfaction of knowing they're upsetting you, because that's what they want to do. Walk away from them. Change seats. Just do what you need to get away from them and act like they don't hurt your feelings. "But they DO hurt my feelings!" I know, I say, with tears running down my cheeks, I know they hurt you. But if you let them know, then you let them win.

I feel like it's starting - the need to turn my son into a cynic. He can't be this innocent around such crappy kids who prey on his differences. And these kids have a second sense. They may not have noticed he was troubled right off the bat, but the instant the plate thing started, oh, they knew they had him, hook, line, and sinker. And part of me thinks yes, kick these kids' asses. They deserve it. But I can't teach him that. I feel like I'm putting him at a disadvantage. Be a good kid and put up with other kids' crap without getting violent, And it won't change - they'll keep coming after you. But there's nothing you can do.