Thankful

I do a lot of complaining about the people I have to deal with on a daily basis when it comes to my son. I hardly even mention those who have been there for me through all of this and have given me support and good advise and kindness and reassurance.

1 - My son’s psychologist.
She specializes in ASD children. She’s about 15. Okay- she’s older, but she is way young, she loves her job and she is always willing to talk to me and reassure me when I am wondering if I am wrong like hubby or some teacher or another is telling me. She likes to tell me how “tough” I have become in this past year and just today congratulated me on keeping my sense of humor. If only she knew- I was really depressed before she called. SHE helps me keep my sense of humor. She is reassuring even if she thinks I need to change something. Her reaction at these times is, “Well, did it work? No? Maybe next time you could try this…”
Love her. Monster loves her although since she is sweet, young, and pretty she makes him shy.

2 – The school autism specialist
She came rushing in when Monster was having so much trouble and the school was trying to punish monster and reinforce how bad he was being. She straightened them out, educated them on how Monster SHOULD be disciplined, set up a chart for M to show him how he could “Hit a bump” but still go on to have a good day. She is the one and only person who took the time with Monster and helped turn his attitude about himself around from that of a bad boy who is bad every day to a boy who is good every day but hits some bumps. I love her and Monster loves her. She has changed Monster’s whole outlook on himself, which actually was quite simple since she knew what he needed and all Monster has ever wanted is to be a good boy.

3 – My support group
I put off going to these meetings for almost a year. I am not a social person and I couldn’t talk about Monster without crying anyhow. Month after month would go by and I would have a new excuse as to why I didn’t want to go.
Thank goodness I finally went. What wonderful, kind, understanding people!! What knowledge they have! They are so willing to share and help and give any info they can so that all of us are out there fighting our best fights. We even found a new playmate through the support group – a boy a year older than M who has the exact same issues at his school. The two of them get along SO well. I love that Monster has a playmate just like him, and that they really like each other.
I would not have survived without the supoprt group. They rock.

4 – My son’s pediatrician
He admits he knows very little about Asperger’s. But he signs off whatever we need him to sign off to get Monster the help he needs – prescriptions and requests for OT, PT, etc. He has always been such a concerned, kind caregiver toward my son. Aside from the fact that I had to argue with him a few times about CIO (he said do it; I said I couldn’t), he also was super supportive of my extended breast feeding and supported me when hubby and mother-in-law waged a war against my “fat” baby. “He’s a baby,” the doctor said, “babies are SUPPOSED to be chubby! If you come back and he’s two, and he still looks like this, and you tell me he’ll only eat Mc Donald’s, THEN we’ll deal with it."
By the time he was two, Monster was tall and healthfully thin and strong.

5 – My online moms to onlies board
I have given them hell sometimes because I spent a long time feeling isolated and misunderstood. But When I got over that feeling I realized that these other moms, some of whom I have known for over 4 years now – have lots of good ideas and experience, that has nothing to do with ASD and lots to do with simply being a mom. Since I don’t have a helluva lot of IRL friends these women are the ones I turn to for any sort of advice or support. Like my support group, I don’t know what I’d do without them.

6 – Angels
Okay, now don’t freak on me and think I’m getting all new-agey and weird. The truth of the matter is, there have been many more times than I can count when all seemed to be lost, and some obscure person would drop into my life, mysteriously and out of nowhere, and give me the advise, information, or support I needed. They have never stuck around long, but they seem to drop by when I need them most, deliver me some sort of hope, and then go on their ways. They can be (and have been) waitresses, coworkers I don’t know well, strangers at the park, nurses, county workers (like the one who helped me even though I wasn’t assigned to her, because I called her and begged her for help when my son was getting kicked out of one of his daycares), assorted but rare daycare workers, case workers, neighbors, etc.

7 – Other Children
Every child who plays with my son, who makes him feel that he belongs, even if only for the two hours they are together. Every parent who has picked up the phone and called to invite Monster over for a playdate, and every parent who has returned my call to get the kids together. My son hungers for friendship. Every time a child gives him just a few moments of their time, my son is able to go another day seeing himself as a good friend, a worthy playmate.

8 – Fate
Which seems to place my son and I onto roads that may look like they lead nowhere but after several stops and switchbacks it is clear to me that this path is leading us somewhere good and important. Fate may be something I am making, but it doesn’t feel like it. It’s like the angels; I don’t ask for its help, but it helps me anyhow.

I’m sure there are more. As lonely and sad as I get I know that there will still be people I can turn to, even if it’s some stranger who sits next to me at McDonald’s while my son is playing and I am ready to cry, and asks me what’s up.

I don’t even look for angels anymore. I just accept that they will show up. And they do.