IEP DAY

I just got back from a very good IEP meeting. Everyone on Monster’s team is so interested in his success, and they all like to compare how different M is from this time last year. And they’re right. He has been incredibly successful and has grown and learned new skills, some that even surprise the teachers on his team because he is advanced in quite a few ways.
So why do I sit here now feeling sad? Because after I walked out of that conference room and headed toward the car I started thinking of all of the things Monster STILL needs to learn. He’s come so far but has so far yet to go. And I know part of it is self-pity. Because I am the one who had to deal with the parts of living he hasn’t learned yet.

My child at night puts on his pullup and blanket sleeper (usually with my help, because we both like the contact), and then he crawls into my lap and snuggles in. And in those moments it doesn’t matter to me how long the journey will be, or how difficult. I love this child so dearly and nothing makes me happier than to have him snuggle up on me so I can feel his warmth and weight on me. He is incredibly sweet and beautiful.But he is vulnerable. He is at risk of being teased and rejected by other children. Which of course is a senseless thing to worry about; plenty of NT children are bullied and teased. I consider it a blessing that Monster usually seems oblivious to times when he is being mocked or rejected. Then I wonder how badly I want him to learn the goals in his IEP – the ability to read others, look them in the eye, understand their meaning, etc. Then he will understand that all children are not being friendly. I realize as I change and grow along with my son that these are the same worries every parent has, regardless of whether or not their child is special needs. It doesn’t help knowing everyone else goes through it though. I don’t want MY child to, even though I know he will. I worry for him, and I worry for myself.